11. Community can be created anywhere
We’ve lived in Northwest Ohio for seventeen months now. More than half of that time (almost ten months) has been during a pandemic. And right before the pandemic, I had a baby and was pretty much home all the time. But you know what? Community can be created anywhere. I am in a daily group text with my best friends back home. I joined a local writing community through Toledo Moms and have regular Messenger conversations with my editing buddy. And in September, I began leading a Moms’ Group for our local church via zoom. None of these are ideal environments–I’d rather be sitting across the table from a friend, or greeting a room full of moms for a meeting–but there have still been opportunities for rich conversation and real vulnerability. Was I lonely? YES. And I had to hit a “rock bottom” within that loneliness before I reached out to others. But…I found the community I desperately needed.
12. Love Thy Neighbor
I’ve been a Christian for more than twenty years and before that, I was a disciple of Mister Rogers. It’s ingrained in me. Love thy neighbor–whether it is literally the person’s home that borders my property or the Kroger cashier–I am called to love them and put their needs above my own. That’s why masking was never an issue for me. Yes, the research was new and still evolving, but if I could help someone else out by wearing something simple like a mask? Sure. And on the days where things were really depressing? We leaned hard into this call. We made salt-dough ornaments and left them on doorsteps. We made cards and mailed them to family. We packaged up cookies and took them to friends. We donated to food banks and missions and churches.
13. Different place, same person
In a conversation with a friend this summer, I was complaining that I just didn’t feel like myself. I felt like I had no purpose, outside of being a mom/wife/line cook/housekeeper. She asked me what it was that made me feel passionate and purposeful? I thought for a moment and two answers came to mind: when I am writing/speaking and when I am leading groups. I launched my blog two weeks later and called my pastor that afternoon to find out about starting a mom’s group online. I may be in a different zip code and with a different “job description,” but the person I am (the desires, the calling, the gifts, the weaknesses) remains the same.
14. Movement is essential
I never knew how much physical movement could make or break my day. But on days where I felt extra blue? I buckled the girls into the wagon and off we went, knowing that even fifteen minutes of walking would lift my mood completely. We’ve had afternoon dance parties, morning yoga, and now I take virtual cycling classes two or three times a week during the girls’ naptime. I may not be losing weight or gaining much muscle, but it takes the edge off my anxiety and puts me in a much better mental space for the rest of the day.
15. Real faith is flexible–it bends, instead of breaks
My faith has taken some hard hits in the past year. I’ve questioned many beliefs that I’ve held for years. I’ve written honestly about it. But I’ve never felt fully separated from it. Maybe it’s because I’ve read and thought and written and taught about the Christian faith for so long? Or maybe it’s because somewhere along the way, I’ve become deeply intrigued by the person of Jesus and the radical nature of hope.
16. We all have addictions
Maybe addictions isn’t the right word here, but we all have our vices. I’ve learned more about the enneagram this year and I often think our addictions are related to our unhealthy or shadow sides. I’m an enneagram 1 and I struggle without routine. So when I feel like things are out of control, I seek to exert as much control as possible in other areas. Often that manifests in shopping. I’m never saying to myself “Gosh, if I just place this one Amazon order, I’ll feel in control,” but if I’m honest? It’s what’s actually happening. And the anticipation of the doorstep delivery? Let’s not even go there.
17. I love routine
I like to think I’m spontaneous, but I’m really not. Don’t get me wrong, every day is not scripted or planned to the minute, but we have a pretty regular routine. And while it can be boring, it helps to ground me. I know I have a half hour break coming up after lunch because the girls watch Sesame Street. I need that break, I look forward to it. And in a world with so much uncertainty, I need our simple and mundane daily routines to keep my head above water.
18. Boundaries are good
I think I learn this lesson more every year, but particularly this year, I needed to be very clear about my boundaries. My job is to take care of my little family and myself and if there is a request or a demand or a relationship that isn’t healthy or beneficial to my family, then I need to say no. And it is okay to to say no.
19. Grace, Grace, Grace
Parenting is hard. Work from home is hard. Virtual school is hard. Homeschool is hard. _________ during a pandemic is hard. Yes, we’ve been doing this for months now, but this is still not normal and we aren’t getting everything we need to be our best selves. So it’s okay. I’ve had to give myself so much more grace (or at least try to) this year.
20. Different does not mean less than
I had to remind myself of this a lot over Christmas. I missed our typical Christmas Eve routines, I longed for previous years where we didn’t have enough seating at our house for Christmas dinner(imagine!), I wanted to hug friends and family. But just because something is different than expected, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it is less than. Christmas Eve was certainly different–we went to the zoo to see Christmas lights and watched a church service on our tv at 10:30 at night–but it was still Christmas Eve. Christmas Day was just the four of us, no grandparents stopping by, and honestly, it was deliciously slow and enjoyable. Different doesn’t mean less than, and doesn’t necessarily mean better. It’s just different and that’s ok.
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