The Longest Night
Someday soon, we all will be together…if the fates allow.Until then,we’ll have to muddle through somehow…So have yourself a merry little Christmas now. If there were ever a lyric for the holiday season of 2020…that would be it. Sung mournfully by Judy Garland, it brings me to tears every time. Tonight is the winter solstice, […]
Fancy Shoes
“Mommy, I’m going to get fancy!” My four year old bounded into my closet as I changed out of pajamas into (you guessed it) leggings and a loose-fitting top. “Okay, kiddo,” I replied, walking to the sink to wash my face. I scrubbed, dried my face, pulled a curious baby out of the shower (much […]
My baby turned one and I didn’t cry
My baby turned one and I didn’t cry. My baby, my second-born baby, turned one and I didn’t cry. My last, final, no-more-pregnancies-please baby turned one and I didn’t cry. I wondered…am I sort of heartless? Are my emotions so worn out from the roller coaster of 2020 that I can’t access them without trauma? […]
I lost my faith, but it’s okay
I think I’ve lost my faith. There–I said it. I’ve lost faith itself–meaning, the ability to trust and hope in the unseen. And I’ve lost my faith–my experience and participation in Protestant Christianity. And I think it’s okay. I became a Christian when I was 12 or 13 years old. I’m 34, nearly 35 now. […]
When Things Aren’t What They Seem
Last month my husband and I rented kayaks on the nearby river. We’ve kayaked before, but never at this spot. This was our first outing alone in months, so we were understandably excited — drunk on the fresh air and the possibility of uninterrupted conversation. So we paddled our kayaks down river, enjoying the sunshine, […]
Tough Skin, Tender Heart
It finally happened today. I looked up to hear you protesting, “I want to play, too!” as the other kids ran away. Your shoulders slumped, tears threatened to roll down your cheeks, I saw you standing dejectedly on the edge of the playground. “Mommy, they called me a baby, they said I couldn’t play with […]
Letter To My Littles
I often wonder how history will tell the story of these days. You are so little, I doubt you will remember the details. My mother used to talk about the Challenger space shuttle explosion of 1986 and how that impacted her as a young mom. I have no memory of that, but I have a […]